This week I've been thinking so much about how circumstances and basic human needs so greatly affect a person's life. As I've been dealing with so many physical and environmental challenges over the past two months, I've begun to realize how important physical well-being is to a person's general demeanor and specifically to their effectiveness in ministry. People who do ministry from the comfort of wealth have a totally different understanding and approach. That's not to say they won't be effective, but I think it may require more effort and different strategies. I remember that some people accused me of choosing to do Mission Year because it would be easier than going to graduate school or getting a job. I hope that if I had conversations with those same people now they would have a change of heart and mind. This life that I'm choosing to live this year is incredibly difficult. I would argue that it is more difficult than getting and maintaining a job, because I am adopting an entirely different lifestyle this year. I don't get to go home at the end of a hard day or a challenging week. Because to go home here is to continue in the hardness. I live and breathe these challenges 24/7. At the beginning of this experience it was easy for me to resent these challenges and their inescapable nature. It was frustrating and I hated feeling trapped in this. But as time has passed, I've developed more of an appreciation for this experience and the ways I can learn and grow here. These things are unique and beautiful. The fact that I can have deep, immense joy in the midst of my struggles here is to me a clear picture of God's promises and faithfulness to me and all of humanity. I feel blessings pour out to cover all of my struggles. It makes it all worthwhile. This is not something that would probably not make logical sense to anyone who is on the outside looking in. Yet I feel it, and I have abundant hope. I have confidence that I would rather be here serving than anywhere else right now. I would rather be in this place of physical discomfort while loving and serving with an eternal perspective than living in comfort while loving with an agenda that struggles to see beyond my own nearsightedness.
I am grateful to be here, and especially grateful for the joy I have in being here. God is clearly at work in me, because I'm not capable of sustaining this kind of joy and contentment on my own, especially in these circumstances. Praise be to God, the Rock on which I stand.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
I am being changed
This post is going to consist of a lot of recent thoughts. I hope they come together in some sort of organized fashion. Bear with me.
I wrote this in my journal last Wednesday, October 3rd:
Today I shared a lot of thoughts with a few of my roommates and friends from home. This experience is opening my eyes to so many realities in the world. Right now I'm not really sure how to explain all of these things in pretty words. Things seem to be fairly straightforward right now.
There is a huge divide between rich and poor. I see it more clearly here than I have anywhere else, but I realize it exists everywhere. I see this when I live, work, and worship in the Greater Third Ward and then step outside of that at any point and see extreme wealth and general oblivion to the pain of poverty. I see contempt and judgment on both sides. The poor can't understand the rich, and the rich can't understand the poor. It's interesting to be placed in a position of middle ground in a sense. Not that I am extremely wealthy, but I am realizing that I am growing both perspectives this year. This puts me in a really interesting position for the future. I am excited to continue learning in this throughout the year.
I also realized today that I am shedding a lot of judgment and criticism that I have held toward people different than myself. Many of us grow up in places where people and cultures are all very similar. We are exposed to differences occasionally, and we soak up new and exotic things when they are safe (for example, from the comfort of a movie theater or a neat vacation). How often, though, are we exposed to new things that are uncomfortable or a little bit unsafe? This may happen more for some than others, but I know that growing up in a comfortable suburb and going to a small, comfortable university prevented me from seeing others who are different than me with open eyes. Coming here, I am forced into these realities. I am able to see more clearly both the brokenness and the beauty in differences and diversity. I was unaware of how many judgments, assumptions, and criticisms I held toward those differences until I was made to face them every day. It is uncomfortable to confront those realities in my own heart and mind, but it is refreshing and renewing to feel God stripping me of those things and conforming my heart more to His. I am more able to realize the truth that He created all people in His image. I am more able to love as He does. I am more aware of my own neediness and brokenness, and therefore I am more able to pour His love out on others. It is beautiful, this growing process.
Thank you to those of you who read this, pray, and/or support me financially. Your support is so encouraging and helpful to me. I have much hope because of how much love I feel from friends and family all over the world. Please continue praying for my team and me. You can never pray too much. Pray for safety of body and mind. Pray for continued growth in my teammates and myself individually as well as as teammates. Pray for joy and energy as we push forward in the work we are doing. It is draining in every way, but so worthwhile.
If you would like to continue supporting me financially, that would also be much appreciated! I am amazed at the Lord's provision already in this endeavor. As of today, I have raised $5,662; I am almost halfway there! Our goal for our team by Thanksgiving is to be at an average of $7,000 per person. I am getting close, but support of our entire team is really important right now!
Click here to donate online; just designate my name!
Peace and love,
Cara
I wrote this in my journal last Wednesday, October 3rd:
Last night I was hit with so many thoughts and feelings, and I had a hard time falling asleep because my mind was racing. I think I was able to do a lot of processing about Mission Year so far and my feelings about the months to come. I think I realized part of why this is all so overwhelming. On the one hand, coming here asks us to sort of step outside of, apart from, and beyond ourselves to truly and selflessly love and serve. This is obviously an incredibly challenging task, considering how self-driven we as humans naturally are. But on the other hand, or maybe as a result of this stepping out of oneself, we are suddenly forced to stare down every harsh reality of ourselves. I am getting to know myself really well, and in a lot of ways I didn't want to face. I can no longer lie to myself about how I feel about people and circumstances. I suddenly have to be completely real in every way. This is a really intense combination of factors, and it has all happened so quickly.
Today I shared a lot of thoughts with a few of my roommates and friends from home. This experience is opening my eyes to so many realities in the world. Right now I'm not really sure how to explain all of these things in pretty words. Things seem to be fairly straightforward right now.
There is a huge divide between rich and poor. I see it more clearly here than I have anywhere else, but I realize it exists everywhere. I see this when I live, work, and worship in the Greater Third Ward and then step outside of that at any point and see extreme wealth and general oblivion to the pain of poverty. I see contempt and judgment on both sides. The poor can't understand the rich, and the rich can't understand the poor. It's interesting to be placed in a position of middle ground in a sense. Not that I am extremely wealthy, but I am realizing that I am growing both perspectives this year. This puts me in a really interesting position for the future. I am excited to continue learning in this throughout the year.
I also realized today that I am shedding a lot of judgment and criticism that I have held toward people different than myself. Many of us grow up in places where people and cultures are all very similar. We are exposed to differences occasionally, and we soak up new and exotic things when they are safe (for example, from the comfort of a movie theater or a neat vacation). How often, though, are we exposed to new things that are uncomfortable or a little bit unsafe? This may happen more for some than others, but I know that growing up in a comfortable suburb and going to a small, comfortable university prevented me from seeing others who are different than me with open eyes. Coming here, I am forced into these realities. I am able to see more clearly both the brokenness and the beauty in differences and diversity. I was unaware of how many judgments, assumptions, and criticisms I held toward those differences until I was made to face them every day. It is uncomfortable to confront those realities in my own heart and mind, but it is refreshing and renewing to feel God stripping me of those things and conforming my heart more to His. I am more able to realize the truth that He created all people in His image. I am more able to love as He does. I am more aware of my own neediness and brokenness, and therefore I am more able to pour His love out on others. It is beautiful, this growing process.
Thank you to those of you who read this, pray, and/or support me financially. Your support is so encouraging and helpful to me. I have much hope because of how much love I feel from friends and family all over the world. Please continue praying for my team and me. You can never pray too much. Pray for safety of body and mind. Pray for continued growth in my teammates and myself individually as well as as teammates. Pray for joy and energy as we push forward in the work we are doing. It is draining in every way, but so worthwhile.
If you would like to continue supporting me financially, that would also be much appreciated! I am amazed at the Lord's provision already in this endeavor. As of today, I have raised $5,662; I am almost halfway there! Our goal for our team by Thanksgiving is to be at an average of $7,000 per person. I am getting close, but support of our entire team is really important right now!
Click here to donate online; just designate my name!
Peace and love,
Cara
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