Choices

God has been doing tremendous things in my heart recently. I have been seeing and feeling Him more clearly over the past week, and I have been greatly encouraged. I am seeing so clearly the relationship of seeking and surrendering to receiving more of God and truly drawing nearer to Him.

There seems to be this understanding in the Christian realm that when we pray for something (patience, grace, self-control, etc.), God does not simply gift us with that thing with a snap of a finger. Rather, it seems that He delights in giving us opportunities to learn these qualities. This is a beautiful reminder of the interactive, cooperative, relationship that we have with God. It is not one-sided. Although He has the power and the ability, He gives us a chance to partake in these things with Him. He is not a puppeteer. We are more than puppets.

This brings me to another thing that has been on my mind recently: the weight of our choices. I believe we have been given free will. God does not force us to think or do anything that we do not ourselves choose to think or do. So when we pray for more of certain qualities and are presented with opportunities to learn and strengthen these qualities, we have a choice. We can choose life, choose God, choose the action that will teach us more of that desired quality, choose death to ourselves. Or we can choose real death. We can choose to walk away from the opportunity that we prayed for, to walk away from a chance to learn and be changed. I am convicted by this thought this week. I know that I have been praying for certain things, and when presented with opportunities to learn and grow in these qualities, I sometimes shy away. I am grateful for the Lord's faithfulness and patience, and my prayers will continue. I'm praying for second chances, for more opportunities to learn from my mistakes and slowly become more like Him. I trust in His grace to rescue me from myself. I pray for boldness to make the right choices in these opportunities.

Walmart lessons

I had to make a rare trip to Walmart today. I try to avoid that place at all costs. There are just a million other places I would rather be. But there were a few things I needed that would just be easiest to pick up all in that one place. So I was there for maybe twenty or thirty minutes. No big deal.

Except I felt a lot of things while I was there. I've had a lot of thoughts on my mind recently about what it looks like to love people well in this world. As I'm preparing for Mission Year, I'm thinking about what it means to love my neighbors. Maybe more importantly, I'm really considering who my neighbors are. As I walked the aisles of Walmart, I was hit with truth. I am surrounded by neighbors. No one is worthy of any more or any less of my love, just as I am no more or less worthy of the love of God than any other person. Whew. That is a hard truth to swallow. I am without excuse to love every person I come in contact with. My roommates. My family. My best friend. My annoying classmates. The creepy people at Walmart. The grumpy lady at the register. People unlike myself. There is no one unworthy of my love and attention.

Support

I have spent the last several hours working on my first support letter for Mission Year. I had no idea what an intense effort this would be. I'm grateful for the company of good friends.

Tonight I've been hit with a lot of things. This is really happening. In less than six months, I will be moving to Houston to live an intensive year of service and love. Every now and then I am hit with this reality. It's pretty exciting to feel certainty about this decision. Writing my letter tonight forced me to really think about why I'm doing what I'm doing and how I want to present that to the rest of the world. It's been a good challenge. I am reminded of the excitement and eagerness that I feel about this decision and this journey. I feel confident that this is where I am being called, and I am excited to see what new treasures I discover as I continue pursuing God in this.

Thank you all for your tremendous love and support. I am ever grateful. I am so deeply blessed to have such genuine friends in my life.

If my brain were not so tired, I would surely write more. Soon, I promise.