Experiencing the Kingdom of God

My worksite, The Forge for Families, has recently begun trying to get the staff to go out into the community on a regular basis to truly live out Jesus' command to love our neighbors as ourselves. We've been going out in small groups of people to local schools, neighborhoods, businesses, and apartment complexes to try to meet the needs of people who are literally right next door to us. We've only started this effort over the past three weeks, so we are still in the early stages and things are a bit uncomfortable and unorganized at times.

Well, yesterday my roommate Jaimie went out with our coworker, Glenn, to hand out some flyers about The Forge's fall festival this weekend. She came back and told me about this elderly woman they met who invited them into her apartment and asked them to pray for her. Jaimie and Glenn decided to go back to visit this woman today and to bring her a warm meal. They invited me to come along with them.

I just returned from visiting Ms. Justina. She lives in a small apartment with her 14-year-old nephew. She has several medical issues and just went to the hospital last night because her nose was bleeding so much and she was scared about how much blood she was losing. We found out that most of her furniture used to be in storage, but it was in storage too long and it was eventually gotten rid of. Now her apartment is barren, and she only has one hard mattress for herself to sleep on, but no place for her nephew to sleep. They also are in need of other furniture items, such as dressers or chairs or a couch. Her phone was recently cut off because she couldn't pay the bill. Fortunately, she has a niece who takes care of her each day, but she is unsatisfied with her care and would really like someone else to help her out. Her kitchen was also painfully bare, and she tends to eat frozen meals whenever her niece will warm one up for her.

Today we brought her some hamburgers and salad for her to eat today and tomorrow. We sat and talked with her for nearly an hour, and we spent some time really trying to figure out practical ways we could help meet some of her immediate needs. She was so grateful to have us come into her life, and she kept saying that she knew God brought us to her. She has such a beautiful faith in Jesus, even in her present state. She asked us to pray for her again today before we left, and Jaimie, Justina, and I held hands and prayed together for her needs. I couldn't help but cry as we sat there and prayed together, as I witnessed this most beautiful picture of the Kingdom of God coming here, to the Third Ward of Houston, Texas. As we were gathered in this small, barren apartment, I felt so hopeful and certain of the love and goodness of God.

As Jaimie and I left and walked back to work (just a couple blocks), I turned to her, still with tears in my eyes, and said, "This is the Kingdom of God."

This is why I'm here this year. To serve and love and be transformed by people like Ms. Justina, and to bring the love of God to people who are so desperately in need.

My team and I are still doing fundraising to continue our work here. Please consider giving to this cause. We are each trying to raise $2000 more by Thanksgiving, two weeks from today, and every little bit helps.

www.missionyear.org/donate

Bed Bug Annihilation Day

As some of you may know by now, my lovely home on Winton Street has been infested with bed bugs over the past couple months. We are not sure where they came from or how long we have had them, but we've been aware of them for the past few weeks at least. After a few attempts at using bed bug bombs and evacuating our house for a few hours, we decided to tackle the problem more intensely. Our lovely city directors, Jason and Jenni checked around to see how much an exterminator would cost, and found out it could be around $1100 for one visit. They were willing to take on this cost, but after doing some research my team decided we wanted to try to take as many steps as possible to tackle the problem ourselves at a much lower cost.

This past Saturday we experienced
Bed Bug Annihilation Day (BBAD). From 9:00 am til around midnight, all seven of us worked to declutter, clean, and spread about bed bug killing chemicals. We began early by decluttering every bedroom and beginning what would be several days of laundry (literally all of the laundry for all seven girls). We put everything into trash bags to prevent any hidden bugs from spreading. As we removed pictures and artwork from our bedroom walls, several pesky bed bugs were discovered in creative hiding places. Once everything was bagged up from our bedrooms, we wiped down all of the walls and baseboards with soapy water. We also intensely vacuumed all of our carpets, including every crevice around the edge of the carpets. We then created a recommended solution of alcohol, water, and dish soap (we called it Kool-Aid), and sprayed that over all the walls and in every corner and crevice (don't worry, we used masks and gloves!). We also used our new hand steamer to steam clean everyone's mattress. Then we sprayed the mattresses down with our Kool-Aid concoction, followed by the recommended bed bug killing dust. We had various names for this. We then wrestled every mattress into its own (hopefully) bed bug proof mattress cover. After this, we had to rearrange some  furniture so we could deep clean all of our carpets. By the time all of this was done (and I feel like I'm forgetting some crucial details such as keeping a death toll tally on the bathroom mirror, yelling with rage at any bed bugs we discovered hiding on our walls, sending out mass texts asking for prayer against the bed bugs, listening to calming meditation music, receiving a stuffed bed bug in a package from my mom, and eating ice cream floats at 10:30 pm as a reward), it was around midnight. We spent around $250 on all of the supplies and products we needed for the day, which is an incredible saving when compared to what we would have spent on an exterminator. But after 15+ hours of BBAD, we were all completely exhausted and a little bit tense. In addition to that, we are now on our third day of doing laundry. We are fortunate to have a washer and dryer in our house that we can use right now. We also cannot know for sure if the bed bugs have truly been annihilated for several weeks or even months. All we can do is wait and hope that we did everything we could.

I'm not writing all of this to gain sympathy or shock or even financial support. I personally want to remember BBAD beyond this year (okay, I think it would be hard to forget), and I want to remember some things that I learned from the experience, and I want to share these things with you all.

There is something about going through trials with people that truly brings everyone closer together. I think BBAD was a really great bonding experience for the Winton Street team. For one full day we had really great motivation to work together and push through our struggles and weaknesses to accomplish a common goal. We were all tired and frustrated and anxious, but we could help to support one another in the experience. Several girls said throughout the day, "This is truly the best way to experience bed bugs. Can you imagine dealing with this anywhere else with anyone else?" That really stands out to me. Nothing about that day should have been fun or enjoyable, but because we were all working together as a family, we could make the most of the situation and help each other through. 

This is yet another example of how life here requires me to rely fully on God in all circumstances. I am continuing to embrace the reality that my contentment and joy cannot come from anywhere besides the Holy Spirit. It doesn't make sense for me to have joy in the circumstances I find myself in. It doesn't make sense to feel content and satisfied in this lifestyle that I'm living this year. There are a lot of really challenging things happening on a regular basis. But the truth is, I really wouldn't trade any of that for anything. I think the challenges make everything so worthwhile. I am really learning how to find and treasure the good in every situation, and this is something that will carry me through the rest of my life. I am learning to be content with very little, and I am discovering what my true needs are. As people, and maybe especially as Americans, we are so good at living with excess. We prioritize so many things that are simply unnecessary to daily life and contentment.

I pray that these words would cause you to stop and think about all of the many things you have to be thankful for. Think about ways you can simplify your life to better see the good in all circumstances. Where do you find your joy?

Peace & love,

Cara

Community

Today I am grateful for the power of friendship and authentic community.

My roommate's (Abigail) birthday is Monday, and we decided that today's Sabbath would be a good time to celebrate. Carole, Abigail and I spent a big chunk of our day exploring several new things around Houston. We took advantage of a beautiful November day (seriously, it was in the 80's today) and trekked out to the Houston Arboretum. This is the most nature-y place I've experienced over the past two months! We were actually secluded and far enough from the city to not be able to see any buildings. We could still hear the faint sound of cars on the highway, but we were excited enough to be surrounded by trees, flowers, and butterflies that we didn't care about the highway noise. It was beautiful. We ended up running into another team member, and we all sat by a pond and ate our lunches and watched the fish and turtles, talking about life and our experiences in Mission Year so far. It was a beautiful, well-spent afternoon. From there, Carole and I surprised Abigail by taking her to the local SPCA so we could spend some time visiting animals (namely cats, which Abigail really loves). We had such a great time looking at each cat and dog and playing with two cats and one dog.

Now we're back at McDonald's, the closest place to our house with free wifi. Fridays are good. This day was good for resting and doing new things. It's nice when both can happen. So many of my Fridays have been spent in the same coffee shop (it's a favorite for a reason, but it feels a little boring after so many weeks in a row). It is exciting and encouraging to have good friends here that I can enjoy Sabbaths with. It is good to have friends whom I can talk to about anything and everything, and to grow and share life with.

Abundant Joy

This week I've been thinking so much about how circumstances and basic human needs so greatly affect a person's life. As I've been dealing with so many physical and environmental challenges over the past two months, I've begun to realize how important physical well-being is to a person's general demeanor and specifically to their effectiveness in ministry. People who do ministry from the comfort of wealth have a totally different understanding and approach. That's not to say they won't be effective, but I think it may require more effort and different strategies. I remember that some people accused me of choosing to do Mission Year because it would be easier than going to graduate school or getting a job. I hope that if I had conversations with those same people now they would have a change of heart and mind. This life that I'm choosing to live this year is incredibly difficult. I would argue that it is more difficult than getting and maintaining a job, because I am adopting an entirely different lifestyle this year. I don't get to go home at the end of a hard day or a challenging week. Because to go home here is to continue in the hardness. I live and breathe these challenges 24/7. At the beginning of this experience it was easy for me to resent these challenges and their inescapable nature. It was frustrating and I hated feeling trapped in this. But as time has passed, I've developed more of an appreciation for this experience and the ways I can learn and grow here. These things are unique and beautiful. The fact that I can have deep, immense joy in the midst of my struggles here is to me a clear picture of God's promises and faithfulness to me and all of humanity. I feel blessings pour out to cover all of my struggles. It makes it all worthwhile. This is not something that would probably not make logical sense to anyone who is on the outside looking in. Yet I feel it, and I have abundant hope. I have confidence that I would rather be here serving than anywhere else right now. I would rather be in this place of physical discomfort while loving and serving with an eternal perspective than living in comfort while loving with an agenda that struggles to see beyond my own nearsightedness.

I am grateful to be here, and especially grateful for the joy I have in being here. God is clearly at work in me, because I'm not capable of sustaining this kind of joy and contentment on my own, especially in these circumstances. Praise be to God, the Rock on which I stand.

I am being changed

This post is going to consist of a lot of recent thoughts. I hope they come together in some sort of organized fashion. Bear with me.

I wrote this in my journal last Wednesday, October 3rd:

Last night I was hit with so many thoughts and feelings, and I had a hard time falling asleep because my mind was racing. I think I was able to do a lot of processing about Mission Year so far and my feelings about the months to come. I think I realized part of why this is all so overwhelming. On the one hand, coming here asks us to sort of step outside of, apart from, and beyond ourselves to truly and selflessly love and serve. This is obviously an incredibly challenging task, considering how self-driven we as humans naturally are. But on the other hand, or maybe as a result of this stepping out of oneself, we are suddenly forced to stare down every harsh reality of ourselves. I am getting to know myself really well, and in a lot of ways I didn't want to face. I can no longer lie to myself about how I feel about people and circumstances. I suddenly have to be completely real in every way. This is a really intense combination of factors, and it has all happened so quickly.

Today I shared a lot of thoughts with a few of my roommates and friends from home. This experience is opening my eyes to so many realities in the world. Right now I'm not really sure how to explain all of these things in pretty words. Things seem to be fairly straightforward right now.

There is a huge divide between rich and poor. I see it more clearly here than I have anywhere else, but I realize it exists everywhere. I see this when I live, work, and worship in the Greater Third Ward and then step outside of that at any point and see extreme wealth and general oblivion to the pain of poverty. I see contempt and judgment on both sides. The poor can't understand the rich, and the rich can't understand the poor. It's interesting to be placed in a position of middle ground in a sense. Not that I am extremely wealthy, but I am realizing that I am growing both perspectives this year. This puts me in a really interesting position for the future. I am excited to continue learning in this throughout the year.

I also realized today that I am shedding a lot of judgment and criticism that I have held toward people different than myself. Many of us grow up in places where people and cultures are all very similar. We are exposed to differences occasionally, and we soak up new and exotic things when they are safe (for example, from the comfort of a movie theater or a neat vacation). How often, though, are we exposed to new things that are uncomfortable or a little bit unsafe? This may happen more for some than others, but I know that growing up in a comfortable suburb and going to a small, comfortable university prevented me from seeing others who are different than me with open eyes. Coming here, I am forced into these realities. I am able to see more clearly both the brokenness and the beauty in differences and diversity. I was unaware of how many judgments, assumptions, and criticisms I held toward those differences until I was made to face them every day. It is uncomfortable to confront those realities in my own heart and mind, but it is refreshing and renewing to feel God stripping me of those things and conforming my heart more to His. I am more able to realize the truth that He created all people in His image. I am more able to love as He does. I am more aware of my own neediness and brokenness, and therefore I am more able to pour His love out on others. It is beautiful, this growing process.

Thank you to those of you who read this, pray, and/or support me financially. Your support is so encouraging and helpful to me. I have much hope because of how much love I feel from friends and family all over the world. Please continue praying for my team and me. You can never pray too much. Pray for safety of body and mind. Pray for continued growth in my teammates and myself individually as well as as teammates. Pray for joy and energy as we push forward in the work we are doing. It is draining in every way, but so worthwhile.

If you would like to continue supporting me financially, that would also be much appreciated! I am amazed at the Lord's provision already in this endeavor. As of today, I have raised $5,662; I am almost halfway there! Our goal for our team by Thanksgiving is to be at an average of $7,000 per person. I am getting close, but support of our entire team is really important right now!

Click here to donate online; just designate my name!

Peace and love,
Cara

Blessings

When the end of the week arrives, it is hard to even know how to sum it all up in one blog post. This is my life for the next ten months, so it sometimes seems strange to talk about it like it's a big deal. But then there are people every day who tell me that this year is a big deal. People seem so amazed at what we're doing here. Why is it so unusual for people to live simply and honestly? Why is it so unusual for people to genuinely love one another? I am realizing that this ideal life is really, really difficult to live out. And it is certainly impossible to live it out perfectly. I've only been here for a month, and already I've learned so much about living intentionally with people. Real, authentic, loving relationships are so hard.

This year is all about relationships. I am living in a house with six other girls. I not only live with these girls, but I also work, cook, shop, clean, and worship with them. We are around each other almost 24/7. It's a good thing we all like each other! But of course conflict arises and we disagree on things from time to time. We were all basically strangers before we moved in together four weeks ago. We have grown close really quickly, but there is still so much unknown. The beautiful thing about living in this kind of community is that we are forced to love each other and to work through conflict immediately when it arises. There is no room to keep things hidden or to ignore problems. We are learning to be real with each other, that none of us are perfect, and that we all have much to offer one another.

Apart from the relationships with my teammates, this year is also about building relationships with people I meet every day. It is amazing how quickly and easily you meet new people when you just look. I have had more interesting and genuine conversations with strangers in the last month than I probably have ever had in my life with similar people. It is shocking to realize how easily we overlook people and opportunities to share life with other human beings on a regular basis. It's amazing how many people I meet just by walking and taking the bus everywhere. I am suddenly forced into relationships, and it's beautiful. So much more rewarding than I ever could have imagined. Like I mentioned above, I am realizing how interconnected all of humanity is. We all have so much to offer to one another. Yet we so easily hide within ourselves, afraid to offer or to receive anything.

I am learning about humility. I am discovering how to let others help me. I am losing hold of my pride in many ways. I am facing uncomfortable truths about how comfortable my life is. Living on $17.50 per week for groceries is a challenge. Seeing the horrible produce available in our local grocery store is saddening. This week I was even hit with the incredible blessing I have in knowing I am deeply loved by so many people. The fact that I can lie in my bed before I fall asleep and read encouraging and sweet letters and cards from family and friends and really know love, this is something that many people don't even get to experience. We are greatly blessed.

Week Two

These days continue to be full, and the weeks are going by slowly. Right now, I'm okay with this. Life is full here, and many exciting things are happening all the time. I am glad for the opportunity to spend the next year of my life here, and I am still eager to see how God will move and work in and around me this year!

This week was busy with real life, starting Saturday in our neighborhood. We've already established a pretty good relationship with one of our neighbors and her children. She invited us to her son's football game Saturday afternoon and even offered all seven of us a ride to the park. We arrived and discovered we were the only white people in a packed park with tons of youth football games going on all day. This was such a beautiful picture of love as this family eagerly welcomed us into their lives and culture. I'm sure we will be present at many more games in the future. The coach made a point to meet all of us, and he said he would give us all t-shirts next week! I think he was serious; community here is so sweet.

On Sunday we attended our church (City of Refuge) for the first time. This was also a really sweet experience. We are able to walk to our church, which is very nice. Everyone was eager to meet and connect with our team when we arrived. The church is very diverse in race, age, and worship style. I'm excited to get involved there this year and to meet many great people. I will keep you all updated with this progression!

Monday marked the first day of work for all of our teams! I went to The Forge for Families Monday through Thursday from 10:30 to 6:30. This week was a lot of training and orientation to what the Forge is and does, and I loved it. The staff that we're working with are really supportive and loving. It feels like a family there. We have been welcomed in eagerly, and that feels great. In the mornings we will be doing a variety of administrative tasks, and in the afternoons we will help with their after-school programs. This week I got to help with the Pre-K/Kindergarten class in the afternoons. I have grown so attached to those kiddos after only four days!

One of the things that has weighed on my hear the most this week is one of the little girls in my class. Kaitlyn is four, and she is in Pre-K at a local school, and comes to the Forge's after-school program.. She is the most precious little girl (she is the tiniest one in the class). She's small and quiet all the time. At first I just thought she was shy, but I'm beginning to be more concerned for her. I have had the chance to help her with her homework this week, and I've discovered that she is unable to recognize her name or to identify letters and numbers. When I spoke with her more, I realized she doesn't know her abc's yet. She has a hard time following directions, and sometimes it seems that she truly doesn't know what is being asked of her. She pesters other kids, but not in the typical way of a bully. My heart breaks for Kaitlyn more and more every day, and I've been praying to be able to break through with love and persistence.

This is just one story of many on my heart this week. The Lord is working in my heart, and I am learning and growing every day. Thank you all for your prayers, love, and support. You all mean so much to me. Continue praying for my week ahead, and be sure to let me know if there are any ways I can be praying for you all.

Until next week. Love to you all.

Becoming a Houstonian

It's incredible that I've been in Houston for 9 days, and with my Mission Year teammates for 7. It feels like a month has passed by since just last week. I have met so many new people who are already a huge part of my life. We have been going through a lot of training for this year that we are entering. I am grateful for the leadership that has been established in Mission Year. My City Directors, Jason and Jenni, have many years of experience in this city, and they truly exemplify what it means to live and love like Jesus. We also were privileged to hear from several Mission Year staff members this week, and it was beautiful to hear their hearts for God's Kingdom and the poor and broken people we all encounter daily in our communities. I have been so encouraged and challenged this week. I feel eager and prepared to begin this year. I'm nervous about the unknown people and circumstances that I will surely encounter, but I am so blessed to have a wonderful community to live and grow with this year.

I found out a few days before I left for Houston that I will be serving at The Forge for Families, right up the street from my new home. We've been meeting there all week for our city-wide orientation, and it's a really nice facility. My team also got to meet with the Forge's volunteer coordinator yesterday morning to discover more of what their mission is and a little bit of what we'll be doing there. I'm pumped. I'll be working there with two of my housemates Monday-Friday from 10:30-6:30. You should check out their website, but I'll just say that this place offers a ton of great programs for people in our community. I'll be helping with some of their after-school programs, and I'm very excited to see what that looks like.

My time in this coffee shop is running out quickly, and I'm not sure if I'll have a chance to get on the internet again today, so I'll share a few prayer requests in the meantime.

Pray:

• for boldness in my neighborhood, that my teammates and I would have confidence in these early days to meet our neighbors and to love them well.
• that I would learn to manage my time here with this new routine and be able to take care of myself in all aspects.
• for unity among my teammates and among all of the teams serving in Houston.
• for safety as we continue to travel around the city and in our neighborhood.

Thanks to everyone who is so supportive of me in every way. I am so eager to share this experience with you all, and I hope you're just as excited to walk with me in this adventure. I will try to update again next Friday when I can use internet!

Wow, I am long overdue for a blog update!! Hopefully I will be able to update this fairly regularly from now on.

I could write many, many paragraphs about everything that has happened in my life since my last post, but I will spare you all those details. I will try to summarize what God has been doing in my life lately, and how I am feeling about my current position: four days from being in Houston!

I was amazed by God's faithfulness in my life this summer. I graduated in May and returned home to Lee's Summit. I lived at home with my parents and planned to work as much as possible to save money before leaving for Houston. Long story short, I started the summer with two part-time jobs that were less than ideal, and I ended the summer with one full-time job that was the best thing I could have asked for this summer. I worked with a group of middle and high school students, several who had various special needs. This was a really fun and rewarding job. I was reminded of how much I love working with people, especially kids (yes, even middle schoolers!). Apart from working, I was able to spend a lot of quality time with my friends and family in Kansas City. I also got to attend an awesome church (Redeemer Fellowship) with some of my Truman friends, and I was greatly challenged and encouraged by that community on a weekly basis. So many blessings!

Just a couple days ago I returned from a visit to Kirksville, where I was able to enjoy quality time with a lot of my college friends before they started classes. This little college town became like home to me over the three years that I lived there, and it was wonderful to return and see so many of my favorite people and places. It was also helpful to be able to let go of some of the attachments I had in that place. A part of my heart will be there forever, especially while my closest friends are still there, but I am now ready to move forward and begin the next chapter of my life in Houston!

That being said...I leave in FOUR days. Four days from this moment I will be on a plane, descending toward Hobby Airport. I can't believe the time is finally here. I get to meet and hang out with some of my mom's cousins and their families for a couple days before meeting up with my teammates on Friday, the 31st. I am so excited! The first week or so that I am there will involve a lot of training and orientation. We will also have limited technology usage during the first month so that we can be fully devoted to our new homes and ministry. Technology can be a huge distraction, and I want to be committed to intentionally growing in my new community. I will be able to use my phone and internet about once a week for the first month. I will post my address at the bottom of this post, and I would love to correspond via letters if that's something you're interested in!

I generally feel very excited and eager to be in Houston and to see what God has in store for this upcoming year. I have little bursts of nervousness from time to time, and I'm sure that will continue all year. However, I have been greatly aware of God's peace over me as I have been praying and preparing to transition from Kansas City to Houston. I am so grateful for the encouragement and support of all of my family and friends. It has made the entire preparation process much smoother.

Please continue praying with me as the days pass by this week. Pray for diligence as I still have a lot of work to do at home before I can leave (cleaning, packing, taking care of random odds and ends). Pray for safety as I fly to Texas and get settled in a new neighborhood. Pray for the new neighbors that I will be meeting, that their hearts will be open to my team's presence and love in the community.

Thanks for reading and for all of your support! Like I said above, I am so grateful for all of you :)

Cara Eads
6820 Winton St. Apt. A
Houston, TX
77021

Provision

Wow. The first month of support raising is almost over, and I am utterly blown away at God's faithfulness and provision so far.

I have put a lot of effort and prayer into this process this month, but I have to admit that I've been a bit skeptical about how all of this would go. I've never had to raise support for anything before, and $12,000 seems like quite an undertaking for my first time. But I've been praying more and more for increased trust in the Lord. I know that He is faithful, and I've heard great stories of His provision. I want to trust in that same power in my own life. What I've seen just in the past week has shown me that God is way bigger than I can imagine.

I sent out  a bunch of support letters early this month. Less than 100, but a lot nonetheless. These went to most of my friends and family. After a few weeks I started getting responses about gifts, and I can keep track of these things through a website that is updated by Mission Year.

I also decided to do a t-shirt selling fundraiser. I'm blessed with the resources and support here at Truman State to be able to screen-print the shirts myself. This saved me a considerable amount of money on the shirts. I paid $513.70 for the cost of plain shirts, screen printing ink, and shipping for both. It took only a few hours to print all 150 shirts (with the help of great friends), and I've been able to sell them over the past week and a half.

Tonight I counted the money I have accumulated from these shirt sales over the past 1.5 weeks. Between cash and checks (excluding a huge pile of change at the bottom of the jar), there is exactly $513.00. I don't know if you noticed, but the shirts cost me $513.70. SWEET. Because, as I also mentioned, there's a huge pile of change at the bottom of the jar that I know is equal to over $15.00. Plus, I still have more orders to fill for shirts. But everything from here on out is profit!

Furthermore, Mission Year is matching whatever is donated in my name during this month, up to $1000. I know that I have at least $950 so far, but I've heard of at least five more donors who are getting money in this week. God easily provided that first $1000! And it will be doubled! So after the first month, I will have over $2000 raised already! So cool.

I have other exciting things to update you all on, but I need to go study for my last undergrad test! More updates soon.

Thanks for all the love and support. You all are great.

Hope

Tonight at CCF, Reed talked about Revelation 21, the creation of a new heaven and new earth. This is good news. This is exciting talk. All of the comparisons to Genesis are really great. I was encouraged by the promise and truth of God's renewing power. At the end of the evening, he asked us to imagine the transforming power of Christ that has changed and shaped our lives at work in the people and world around us. What will this world look like when it's transformed by that same unmatched power? This thought grabbed my heart and gave me hope. I've seen the incredible transforming work of Christ in my life. I am hopeful for the things that can and will be done in the world around me.

I've seen the power of chains broken and joy renewed. I've been given hope and freedom. I've been set free from so many bonds. I have a purpose and satisfaction in living life each day. I see how things I do really matter. I've seen the power of love and encouragement.

My heart breaks when I hear life stories and see the pain that is so prevalent in this world. It hurts. It is not how God intended. It is not exceedingly good. My heart breaks when I reflect on my own life and my repetitive sin. I am a broken person, even with the freedom that Christ has given. But there is freedom. I have freedom to change. I have freedom of forgiveness. I am a new creation. For freedom Christ has set us free. I am no longer a slave to sin.

And I am hopeful for this world to experience the same freedom. I am hopeful to do what I can during this life to bring the Kingdom of God to earth. I am eager to spend my days loving in words and deeds, offering grace and kindness. I am eager to share Christ with this world however I can. I want this world to experience freedom.

Choices

God has been doing tremendous things in my heart recently. I have been seeing and feeling Him more clearly over the past week, and I have been greatly encouraged. I am seeing so clearly the relationship of seeking and surrendering to receiving more of God and truly drawing nearer to Him.

There seems to be this understanding in the Christian realm that when we pray for something (patience, grace, self-control, etc.), God does not simply gift us with that thing with a snap of a finger. Rather, it seems that He delights in giving us opportunities to learn these qualities. This is a beautiful reminder of the interactive, cooperative, relationship that we have with God. It is not one-sided. Although He has the power and the ability, He gives us a chance to partake in these things with Him. He is not a puppeteer. We are more than puppets.

This brings me to another thing that has been on my mind recently: the weight of our choices. I believe we have been given free will. God does not force us to think or do anything that we do not ourselves choose to think or do. So when we pray for more of certain qualities and are presented with opportunities to learn and strengthen these qualities, we have a choice. We can choose life, choose God, choose the action that will teach us more of that desired quality, choose death to ourselves. Or we can choose real death. We can choose to walk away from the opportunity that we prayed for, to walk away from a chance to learn and be changed. I am convicted by this thought this week. I know that I have been praying for certain things, and when presented with opportunities to learn and grow in these qualities, I sometimes shy away. I am grateful for the Lord's faithfulness and patience, and my prayers will continue. I'm praying for second chances, for more opportunities to learn from my mistakes and slowly become more like Him. I trust in His grace to rescue me from myself. I pray for boldness to make the right choices in these opportunities.

Walmart lessons

I had to make a rare trip to Walmart today. I try to avoid that place at all costs. There are just a million other places I would rather be. But there were a few things I needed that would just be easiest to pick up all in that one place. So I was there for maybe twenty or thirty minutes. No big deal.

Except I felt a lot of things while I was there. I've had a lot of thoughts on my mind recently about what it looks like to love people well in this world. As I'm preparing for Mission Year, I'm thinking about what it means to love my neighbors. Maybe more importantly, I'm really considering who my neighbors are. As I walked the aisles of Walmart, I was hit with truth. I am surrounded by neighbors. No one is worthy of any more or any less of my love, just as I am no more or less worthy of the love of God than any other person. Whew. That is a hard truth to swallow. I am without excuse to love every person I come in contact with. My roommates. My family. My best friend. My annoying classmates. The creepy people at Walmart. The grumpy lady at the register. People unlike myself. There is no one unworthy of my love and attention.

Support

I have spent the last several hours working on my first support letter for Mission Year. I had no idea what an intense effort this would be. I'm grateful for the company of good friends.

Tonight I've been hit with a lot of things. This is really happening. In less than six months, I will be moving to Houston to live an intensive year of service and love. Every now and then I am hit with this reality. It's pretty exciting to feel certainty about this decision. Writing my letter tonight forced me to really think about why I'm doing what I'm doing and how I want to present that to the rest of the world. It's been a good challenge. I am reminded of the excitement and eagerness that I feel about this decision and this journey. I feel confident that this is where I am being called, and I am excited to see what new treasures I discover as I continue pursuing God in this.

Thank you all for your tremendous love and support. I am ever grateful. I am so deeply blessed to have such genuine friends in my life.

If my brain were not so tired, I would surely write more. Soon, I promise.

Overdue

This post is long overdue. Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to say a lot of the things that I really want to say. I've been having bloggy thoughts for a couple of weeks now, and I just haven't taken the time to transfer them here. And now I'm not here for that. I'm sitting in Cafe Co trying to catch up on my Bible readings for the past two weeks. Needless to say, I've been kind of scatterbrained and aimless for the past few weeks. I'm trying to get caught up on all of these things. It is quite an undertaking.

Anyway, I just wanted to have a place to jot down thoughts on the things I'm reading this afternoon, so that's all this will be. It may or may not be interesting for the general public, but I hope that I will gain some sort of insight that will also be beneficial for whoever is reading this.

I love learning more about God's character through scripture. He is so infinitely complex, and I don't think I can ever fully know everything there is to know about him, but I love seeing new glimpses of his beauty and wonder as I read the word.

"And God spoke to Israel in visions of the night and said, 'Jacob, Jacob.' And he said, 'Here am I.' Then he said, 'I am God, the God of your father. Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for there I will make you into a great nation. I myself will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you up again..." --Genesis 46: 2-4

I see a personal God, a God of comfort and peace. A God of guidance and direction.

"'...it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person....Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.'" --Matthew 15:11,17-20

I always enjoy the story and character of Joseph. Admittedly, I think I first heard the story through the musical, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, but it has always stuck with me, and I enjoy discovering more about Joseph with each reading of Genesis. I especially love Joseph's interactions with his father and brothers.

"When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, 'It may be that Joseph will hate us and pay us back for all the evil that we did to him.' So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, 'Your father gave this command before he died, "Say to Joseph, Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you." And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father.' Joseph wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, 'Behold, we are your servants.' But Joseph said to them, 'Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.' Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them." --Genesis 50:15-21

Isn't this an awesome picture of God's mercy? Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, yet he offered love and mercy in place of the anticipated punishment and revenge.

Sometimes I am grateful that I did not grow up in a church, hearing these "classic" Bible stories in the context of Sunday school, by means of cheesy children's books and puppets and such. Of course, I would be grateful if that were my childhood as well. But I love being able to look at the word with fresh eyes. Yes, now that I've been following Christ for several years and reading the word fairly regularly, these stories are gradually becoming more and more familiar. But there is still something new and exciting about reading these stories and putting new pieces together each time. I love it. I just finished Genesis and am starting into Exodus, which is really one of my favorite books of the Bible. I just got giddy again reading about the birth and childhood of Moses! His sister and the Pharaoh's daughter (not to mention the Hebrew midwives) are awesome examples of women who feared God and lived lives marked by compassion and justice.

"...She put the child in it and placed it among the reeds by the river bank. And his sister stood at a distance to know what would be done to him. Now the daughter of Pharaoh came down to bathe at the river, while her young women walked beside the river. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her servant woman, and she took it. When she opened it, she saw the child, and behold, the baby was crying. She took pity on him and said, 'This is one of the Hebrews' children.' Then his sister said to Pharaoh's daughter, 'Shall I go and call you a nurse from the Hebrew women to nurse the child for you?' And Pharaoh's daughter said to her, 'Go.' So the girl went and called the child's mother. And Pharaoh's daughter said to her, 'Take this child away and nurse him for me, and I will give you your wages.' So the woman took the child and nursed him. When the child grew up, she brought him to Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son. She named him Moses, 'Because,' she said, 'I drew him out of the water.'" --Exodus 2:3-10

Mission Year: the full(er) story

Wow. I have a hard time coming up with words to express how I'm feeling about all of this. I am simply amazed by the Lord's grace and power in this whole experience, and this is only the beginning.

Here's the timeline of the Mission Year process so far. It's pretty incredible.

Freshman Year: First discovered Mission Year. Thought about it a lot, then dismissed it until "later".
November 30, 2011 aka "later": Remembered Mission Year and started looking at the website again. Started considering applying "just to see what would happen".
Christmas Break: Started thinking more seriously about applying. Intended to apply by the end of break.
January 3, 2012 (Tuesday): Had a conversation with Ashley. Decided to apply by the end of the week (break)....I applied by the end of the day. :)
January 4, 2012 (Wednesday): Received e-mail from Mission Year saying that after they heard from my references I would be set up with an interviewer.
January 9, 2012 (Monday): Received e-mail from Mission Year to set up my interview.
January 10, 2012 (Tuesday): Set interview date and time.
January 12, 2012 (Thursday): Interview. I was told I would hear about my acceptance in 2-3 weeks.
January 18, 2012 (Wednesday): ACCEPTED. SURPRISE!

Boom. That's just incredible to me. I feel like I'm a fairly patient person, but this quick turnaround and surprising speed has been a huge blessing, especially during the beginning of this semester! Wow, wow, wow. Here's the first part of the e-mail I got today. The rest was info about the attached paperwork and exciting things for me to look over before committing.

"Congratulations Cara!

Mission Year is happy to extend to you an offer to join one of our teams throughout the country. Your desire to serve others and experience discipleship has been evident throughout your admissions process, and we would welcome you on our team!

We will now wait to receive your Commitment Form as you prayerfully consider joining Mission Year..."

Love so amazing, so divine

Have I mentioned recently how good it is to be back in Kirksville? My heart is overwhelmingly full here. I am more able to see and feel the Lord in His love, grace, and power. But it's not just the happy feelings. This morning during communion I faced genuine conviction that I haven't felt in months. I felt dirty and ashamed as I sat naked before the Lord, but in that place I was reminded of the power of Christ on a cross. I was reminded of the righteousness that has somehow been imputed to me. I can never comprehend it, but I feel the weight of its truth. I am amazed.

"Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned--
To be sure, sin was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not charged against anyone's account where there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who is a pattern of the one to come.
But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man's sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!
Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

[Romans 5:12-21]


Dang. This is so good. I am learning daily what it means to follow Christ. To be saved by his blood. To be seen as blameless and righteous before a Holy God. How is this possible? How and why was the God of the universe able and willing to come to earth to die for humanity? We are disgusting and lowly creatures. Yet he came near, and he became one of us. What great love is this...

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit--fruit that will last--and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other."

[John 15: 12-17]

Mission Year

THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER.

....to be continued :)

Blog > Bedtime

Yeah, it's the first week of the semester and I have given myself a bedtime. I guess more importantly, I have given myself a set waking time every day. Well, it's my second night in Kirksville and I'm already reminded that life here is sometimes too full for strict schedules and bedtimes. That being said, I'd still like to keep this short (ha), because I love my bed and my sleep very much. But I have so much to say in this moment. We'll see what happens.

First of all, I have another exciting Mission Year update :)
I heard from Sarah again this afternoon, setting me up with an interviewer! I e-mailed her a list of possible times and dates when I could have an hour-long interview over the phone or Skype this week, and I am hoping to hear back with a set time tomorrow! I also learned today that I should hear in about two weeks after my interview whether or not I get accepted. And then it's full speed ahead if I commit. This is all happening so quickly, which I honestly think is a huge blessing. If things continue at this rate, I anticipate knowing something significant about my future in less than a month.

**It's Tuesday morning, and I just checked my e-mail, and I now have a phone interview with a girl named Kate Thursday at 5:15 pm! Bah!**

Probably the coolest part of this update is that the Bible has been rocking my world recently. :) I'm so glad to be able to say that. I've still been reading about Abraham (what an interesting walk he walked with the Lord). I've also been reading a lot of Jesus' words. I had this thought earlier, and it put a huge smile on my face: I'm falling in love with Jesus again, but I'm also learning what it means to fear him. Both of these things are a huge deal for me, so the fact that they're happening simultaneously is really fantastic. God sees me and hears my cries, and he is quick to respond. I am loved.

I might add more about these Jesus words tomorrow. I'm sleepy, and I'm six minutes out from my postponed bedtime. :) Thanks for reading and encouraging. I hope my ramblings might somehow be an encouragement to whoever reads them.

PS. Yesterday while I was driving I realized that my love for sunsets and all things beautiful might make me a reckless driver. I'd say it's worth it.

Holy heartache

Tonight hurts. There's a lot going on in my head and my heart right now, and my eyes are being opened to some things about myself and my past that I haven't wanted to acknowledge. But here I am. It's a good time for me to be returning to Kirksville. That place has really become my home. It's the place where I am comfortable to be myself and to grow into the woman I am meant to be. It's beautiful. I'm ready to be home.

Please pray for me right now. I'm trying to stand firm on who I know I am, but it's especially hard right now. It means letting go of a lot of things, and facing a lot of things I've been avoiding.

Wholly, holy heartache. But I am trusting in the Lord's steadfast love.

Abram

We've been talking about Genesis for a while now in CCF, and we were just getting into the goodness of Abram's life and his awesome faith in God's promises. But I've been reading these things again this week as I'm starting out on my venture to read the Bible in a year, and Abram is really standing out to me in new ways. I thought I'd share.

This is one of the first major glimpses we get of God's very personal revelation of Himself to any of His people. Yet this is just a hint of what is to come. This is also one of the first times that I am noticing God making very consistent promises to Abram (I'd like to note here that I'm very wary of the word promise in relation to God. I'm not sure how our understanding of a promise fits with God's nature. Rather, there is this consistent idea of a covenant throughout scripture. As a personal note, this is something I want to study in more depth soon.). Along with this, I see Abram presenting honest questions and concerns before the Lord.

"O Lord GOD, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?"
"Behold, you have given me no offspring, and a member of my household will be my heir."
"O Lord GOD, how am I to know that I shall possess it [the land that God has brought him to]?"

In every instance, God has a response. Not an explanation of the how or when, but a reassurance that these things will come to pass. And Abram believed the LORD.

Joy abundant

As I was driving home tonight from dinner with a dear friend, I realized just how much I have to be excited about and grateful for in my life right now (okay, okay, also all the time; I just happen to be especially aware of it presently). Seriously, friends, this life that we're all sharing right now is so beautiful. This God that we may or may not be trying to understand, love, and follow is so beautiful. Seriously.

I feel like I need to give a quick run-down of what has happened since my last significant post (hah, last night was kind of a joke; I was crashing on Nyquil), only because I'm so excited about it!

I turned in all of my application stuff for Mission Year on Tuesday night. It was really, really refreshing and encouraging for me to sit and answer a bunch of essay questions about my relationship with God and my motives for wanting to pursue Mission Year. It was exactly what I needed that evening, especially in preparation for whatever may come in the near future. I learned a lot about myself and was reminded a lot about God in those few hours that I sat in that coffee shop and wrote about myself and my heart.

Wednesday morning, as soon as I could have possibly hoped, I already had a confirmation e-mail from Sarah at Mission Year, informing me they had received my application! It was the most exciting e-mail I've received in a while. She also told me that as soon as they hear from my two references (I know this will be Monday at the latest), she will set me up with someone for either a phone or Skype interview. So I guess this is really happening. As I was talking with a friend the other day, I was reminded that even taking the risk to follow God down this path is a huge step. Even if this whole thing doesn't pan out, I am at least so excited to be taking the risk and following where I feel the Lord leading. This is a new experience, especially in the past 12 months. Wow, God is so faithful to bring restoration and healing. I stand in awe.

Another awesome and exciting thing about life lately: there are suddenly an abundance of opportunities to read and study the Word with dear friends. This is something that has been lagging in my life for quite a while. Anyone who is reading this probably knows that I have had an interesting (ha, that's a very simple way to put it) past year in my walk with God. Various aspects have gradually been rekindled, and joy has slowly come back into these disciplines. But a genuine desire for the Word has been minimal. Amazingly, then, over break I have come across the opportunity to start reading through Romans with Allison, to start memorizing part of 1 John 4 with Sophia, and to challenge and be challenged by Ashley to read through the Bible in a year. Whew. Seriously, this all came about in the past three weeks. And I am so excited. If I want to understand God more clearly, I need to be reading the words that He's given us. It just makes sense.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.


[Galatians 5:1]


In this day, in this moment, in this breath, I am rejoicing in the freedom that I have in Christ.

Giggles

Since part of the aim for this blog is to reflect on lovely things, today seems like a good one to consider.

...too bad I just remembered I took Nyquil over an hour ago, which could explain why I'm so quickly crashing. There's also the fact that it's nearly 2:30 am. Maybe tomorrow I will reflect on today.

I have a lot to say, but my brain is already sleeping. The room is starting to spin.

Until tomorrow...

Self-control

Whew, this is a hard topic. This is a struggle that I have really had to come to terms with lately. I am so, so, so bad at self-control. It's not just that I lack self-control in one area; this comes up over and over again. In my words, my thoughts, my eating habits, my interactions with other people. I don't know if I am just indulgent or insensitive...no, I don't think I'm either of those things. I think I am easily caught up in the rush of a moment, whether for good or bad, and I somehow lose my self-control. I am later filled with regret or shame, and I know that is not from the Lord. I don't know what to do about this struggle but to continue to ask God to give me greater self-control. I could also ask for accountability in some of these areas, but I think most of these instances occur when I am by myself or outside of a Christian environment, which does make a lot of sense.


This is another thing that has been on my heart a lot over the past several months: I want (need) to learn to stand on my own in strength and boldness in the Lord without the constant support or approval of people and community around me. Not that I want to separate myself from these people, but I want to figure out how to be independently stable. I want to be able to be okay on my own. I think I have come a long way with this (evidenced by the fact that I'm sitting in my bedroom in my parents' house writing about my walk with the Lord; I'm doing much better), but there is still a lot of work to be done. C'est la vie. 


"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.


So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."


[Romans 7:15-25]

Coffee shop revelations

Today I have spent several hours sitting in public places talking to a dear friend. On the Border, The Whistle Stop, and now Starbucks by myself.

I love sitting and watching people. Airports are some of my favorite places because of the amazing variety of people and experiences that exist. People are coming and going from who knows where, and there is just an endless world of possible stories and circumstances. It's unbelievably fascinating to me. I also love airports for the potential for adventure and travel that they hold. You can walk into that place and step onto a giant contraption that will carry you around the world. I love flying. I love traveling. I love adventure. And I love people.

And coffee shops. The people, the smells, the tastes, and the conversations. I really don't consider myself to be a super creeper, but I occasionally overhear the greatest things. Like I just discovered that one of the guys working here worked at Taco Bell for four years during high school, and he often came home smelling like rotten rotisserie chicken. Charming, right? :)

Anyway. I'm really writing this because I find a certain amount of peace and freedom when I come to a place like this and sit by myself. It's a feeling that leads me to want to write and think and open my heart up to the possibilities of life. So it seemed like an appropriate time to add to this wittle baby blog. :)

Today as I was talking with my friend Ashley about life and all of the possibilities that lie in front of me, I decided a few things about this week. I am going to apply for Mission Year by the end of the week. A lot of my Truman friends might not know about this, but it's something I've been thinking about on-and-off since freshman year. I gave you the link if you want to look into it more. I'd love any feedback on it, but it's something I feel pretty confident about, at least that I want to apply and see what happens. I'm graduating in four months and two days, and I don't know what my life looks like beyond that. The idea of going somewhere to serve and love people and grow in my walk with the Lord is the most appealing thing I can possibly think of right now. It would be so good for me, especially fresh out of college with the whole world at my fingertips. I need a bit of direction and support.

My heart is full, and my eyes are bright. I am full of hope and joy and excitement about life. I feel passionate and alive. I want to make the most of every day, to grow into the woman I was created to be. I want to become fully Cara Nicole. Who's with me?

A window to my heart

So here I am, finally posting on my own public blog. This seems like a small accomplishment when I've been furiously posting on my private blog for over a year and a half. This new place seems foreign and insignificant. It is not the comfortable, friendly and familiar place I've grown to love. But I'm hoping it can become another place, similar but different. I don't know who will read this, if I ever share it with the world, but I hope that my life can be a lesson and an encouragement to others. Shoot, even outside of this blog, that's what I hope for my life. At least in part.

I guess I have this idea that blogs need to be written to an audience, but I really don't want this to feel that way. I want this to be a place for my heart to frolic and roam free, to explore and dance and vent and whatever else it needs or desires to do. It just so happens that people might watch that experience and even join in. And I guess that's an okay thing.

I want this to be a record of my journey. I am living a life full of pursuits and dreams and adventures, and I want to keep track of it all. I want this to be a place of thought, reflection, and ideas. I want this to be a place where I can explore life and all of its loveliness.