Self-control

Whew, this is a hard topic. This is a struggle that I have really had to come to terms with lately. I am so, so, so bad at self-control. It's not just that I lack self-control in one area; this comes up over and over again. In my words, my thoughts, my eating habits, my interactions with other people. I don't know if I am just indulgent or insensitive...no, I don't think I'm either of those things. I think I am easily caught up in the rush of a moment, whether for good or bad, and I somehow lose my self-control. I am later filled with regret or shame, and I know that is not from the Lord. I don't know what to do about this struggle but to continue to ask God to give me greater self-control. I could also ask for accountability in some of these areas, but I think most of these instances occur when I am by myself or outside of a Christian environment, which does make a lot of sense.


This is another thing that has been on my heart a lot over the past several months: I want (need) to learn to stand on my own in strength and boldness in the Lord without the constant support or approval of people and community around me. Not that I want to separate myself from these people, but I want to figure out how to be independently stable. I want to be able to be okay on my own. I think I have come a long way with this (evidenced by the fact that I'm sitting in my bedroom in my parents' house writing about my walk with the Lord; I'm doing much better), but there is still a lot of work to be done. C'est la vie. 


"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.


So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."


[Romans 7:15-25]